In a previous post I described how EFT is a combination of ‘thought, word and deed’. I then emphasised the importance of ‘thought’. In this post we will move on to look at ‘word’ or what you should say when using EFT.
The words are important in identifying the feeling in the first place. Broad words like ‘upset’ or ‘stressed’ are unhelpful, so skilful questioning will refine the words to be more specific. So if in fact anxious is the most accurate word then you can follow that up with ‘about what specifically’?
The most common question I have with EFT is ‘How do you know what to say’? When working with clients or in demonstrations I can use a wide range of language patterns. However I’m not looking to install positive beliefs or emotions with EFT, nor do I call them affirmations. I find that clearing the negative means that positivity comes in automatically without having to be prescriptive about it. I prefer to think of the language that I use as ‘levers’ to help shift the problem.
Gary Craig has expressed the same view, and said that you can use affirmations to uncover tail-enders which you then tap for. An example would be if I have been working with a client on an anger issue about a relationship break up. They might feel that their anger has been resolved with EFT we have used so far, but I might not be so sure. In such a case I’ll ask the client to imagine the other person in front of them and say out loud “I wish you well. Go your own way and be happy”. If they can say that convincingly to me and themselves then the anger is indeed resolved. However if we find that there is resistance to saying it, it indicates that there is some anger remaining. We check how and where that resistance is felt and continue with EFT until it is resolved. I should emphasise that I’m not expecting the client to actually say this to the other party. It’s simply a way of using a positive statement to uncover the tail-enders and tap them away.
With other problems you can use positive statements to check for tail-enders in the same way. E.g.
I’m a non smoker
I’m fine about flying
I’m relaxed about the presentation/exam
I like myself
As a morning exercise you could say to yourself “I’m looking forward to today” and if there are any tail-enders, tap them away.
It’s been a while since I’ve run my EFT Language Skills Master class so if you would be interested in attending if I run it again, please get in touch.